WHAT MY EYES HAVE SEEN
Peace is a knowing, a setting free, an understanding of the things that you personally have experienced. Peace comes from knowing that you survived, knowing that whatever comes along, you will deal with it, peace is knowing that bad times only last for a minute, peace comes with a telling, a story you can share with others.
The things these eyes have seen, husband against wife, mother against daughter, father against son, children against parents. I saw myself come into this cold world. The pressure and pain, from the warm to the cold, the fading away of the heartbeat that had given me comfort for so long, the shock as i emerged from the darkness into the light.
Was my childhood happy? yes, as happy as one could have in this world, if you can overlook the fact that my mom and dad decided to divorce when i was six and on the day of the divorce i stood between them on the steps of the court as they debated over which one would take me (no you take her). I made it through. Didn't think i would make it through my teenage years, dad was pretty hard to get along with and this is no excuse for my actions but, truthfully he sincerely frightened me. My solution was to run away (smile).
I had a beautiful little girl that i would sit and look at in disbelief, she was my child, I was seventeen. All in all life became a drama, a play with me as the star and the plot whatever good or bad choice i made at the time. Out of all the choices, my one very bad one was my marriage of twenty six years. That, is a story within itself.
There were times i thought i would never find peace, but now, the tears that fall from these eyes are tears of joy.. I find myself settled, able to sit back and enjoy a day, a week, a month, a year....
The little princess has just walked in and she needs nanas' attention (smile) these are the things my eyes see now, six children going through life bumping heads learning from their mistakes. I try to shield them but, they only want me to go to my room now (which is where i want to be anyway lol) Four grandchildren,
DeAndre: my tall slim sexy guy, thirteen now, Alise: when Alise laughs the whole world laughs, artistic, talented, eleven now, Devin: the little guy, so sensitive, he is still upset that Jesus was crucified, so loving, still loves to give grandma hugs and kisses, nine now. And last but believe me not least, Zoe-Rose: beautiful, amazing, so very smart, came into this world and took over all our lives, five now.
These four came along when illness had knocked me down a viral pneumonia that damaged my heart. They were tantamount to my survival, i mean, how could i leave them?
My eyes have seen , good and bad, happiness and sadness, now they need a little help to see clearly but, that is okay... the the things i see now make me happy and bring me peace and, if i leave this world hopefully the people that keep trying to send me to my room, will always remember my eyes saw love in the end.