I am a 16 year old teenage girl getting ready to make 17. They say that these years are suppose to be the best years yet. Well, as I think about it, they are the best years yet. I am 16 and have graduated from school and I have my own store. What more could a girl ask for. But when I ask myself, "Why are these my so called best years?", I start to realize. It is all that I remember. As I look back through the years of what was supposed to be my childhood. I notice there was no child there. All my life I have been this girl with a tough heart and hated everybody. I always said the three words, "I love you" but never really meant it. I have been through a lot while growing. I suffered with having been in the hospital when I was three years old. I had a seizure, that lasted 45 minutes. when it ended I had to have surgery on both of my kidneys. After coming out of surgery I was temporarily paralyzed on my left side.
When I was six years old, my father left us. I have no clue why but he did. My mom always said it was because he didn't care and he was a bum. When I was seven we had a house fire and was put in foster care and our foster parents would beat us. They left bruises and all. When I was eight my mom remarried a man called Leroy. He was the new father figure in my life. When I was twelve I had a best friend named Angelique Harvey, Well she died. then Katrina came and after moving back home my mom was hospitalized for eight days. When I was thirteen years old, I brought a gun to school just for a dare. And it ended me up in jail. I put on probation and still haven't learned my lesson. Things just escalated from there. I started dating and having sexual relationships. I was wilding out. I was going through a lot and had needed some one to trust to talk to and love. But what did the word love mean?
I had made fourteen and for the first time I thought I was pregnant. It was scary, how was I going to care for a child when I couldn't even care for myself. How could I show love to another human being when I didn't love myself? Well, I just kept getting worse and worse. What going to happen to me I often wondered. I tried to figure what my problem was. I had been through so many things I didn't know what to do. When I was fifteen I made some choices and said some things that made the family split. Leroy was gone and eveybody hated me. They wanted me gone and him back. Then Gustav came and we had plans of going to Houston, TX. But we ended up in Heidelberg, MS. We went to this church and I just felt really uncomfortable because everyone was excited that I was there. They were eager to meet me and very friendly. I believed in God, but at the time I was mad at him for letting things happens.
Well, at the church called ,"Kingdom Hands Outreach Ministries." The pastors wife reached out to me. All I could think was why me. Why is she showing me love and I don't know her. Lord what it the point. Why are we even here? She even took us into her home without knowing who we were or what I was capable of. I was thankful though because at least we had a bed to sleep in and we didn't have to sleep cramped up in the car. Well during that time we became really close and she became the inspiration in my life. She showed me that she could not erase what all had happened. She showed me that she couldn't tell me to forget everything. She showed my the importance of self-respect, but most of all she loved me past my pain. This time I said the words I Love you, I actually meant it. Because for once I was able to love my self. She went from being Sister dale to momma Jennings. I love her and even though I am not her bilogical daughter the love that she shows no one will know unless we say something.
I now have a new life and I love it. I made my bed and I sleep like a baby. I have moved to Heidelberg, MS. I am single and loving it. I am trying to restore the relationship that I once had with my family. And momma Jennings and I have the a very close relationship. I am actively involved in church, praise dance, singing, and having fun. I love my life the way it is now. And I thank the good Lord for using momma Jennings to transform my life. Momma Jennings if you are reading this I just want to say thank you and I love you.